“May you have many sons. Or daughters. Or whatever”

The marriage officer offered these eloquent wishes during the civil ceremony that was the first of our three weddings in Baku last Monday. I was not sure if she says that to everyone or if it was just the fact that when she said “big sons,” Tor and I both raised our eyebrows to hairline proportions such that she felt the need to reroute her speech via celestial navigation. In any case, this episode is just one of many memorable events that would characterize June 6^th, 2011.

ZAGS Officer in the process of foot journeying to mouth...

Fountains in downtown Baku

Khayal and some friends make an impromptu "Just Married" sign out of Korean newspapers

The festivities began when we arrived in Baku to finalize everything late the week before. Such tasks included last minute shoe shopping and going to the Marriage Office to insure that all was in order. Of course, the old Peace Corps adage held true in that, “the things that you expect to take ten minutes take three hours and the things that are supposed to take many months take a few minutes.”

Next to what is said to be the largest flag in the world.

Our trip to the Marriage Office promised to be a simple affair at the outset: walk in, ask if all is in order for Monday, and depart. But wait…It is procedure here for the civil ceremony to be scheduled more or less one month after registration. Hence our wedding date for Monday, June 6^th. But it seems that the office is actually closed on Mondays and the computers necessary for producing the wedding certificate would be down. Not to worry. Oruj to the rescue. After much ranting in Azerbaijani about the value of planning and structure, the staff agreed to open the office for one hour as there were a total of six couples to be married that day.

"HELLO Good Pie!" Vivian with her fantastic pies!

The rest of my weekend would be filled with fun festivities at the home of good friends, Hande and Ali. We had secured the reception space at a small Korean restaurant in downtown Baku but had also planned for installments of Azeri food and pies for dessert. Had we included carrots and cucumbers to represent the guinea pig in the family, we would have been fully representative. In any case, friend and Ganja site mate, Vivian volunteered to bake 7 pies for the occasion—a most splendid and serendipitous event! As it was, both Vivian and Kathy were staying with Hande and Ali. I would pass the final 24 hours of single-statushood helping Kathy to help Vivian make basil cream for the strawberry pie and laughing over after-dinner wine with friends. If there is one thing that I am grateful for in my Peace Corps experience, it is the opportunity to meet such a wonderful group of individuals who I would never have encountered otherwise.

Oruj, Me, and Kathy at the ZAGS

Elias, Oruj, Me, and Tor outside the ZAGS

"The program" for the day

The next day was a whirlwind of preparation and running. Because the Marriage Office was only to be open for an hour in the morning, we needed to be there at ten sharp. After signing several of the same forms, it was time to begin. At that time, there was only one other couple present at the office. The bride had donned the customary 15 pound dress+3 pounds of glitter expected of a traditional Azeri bride. I didn’t have much time to feel underdressed, however, because we were the first to go. The marriage officer, clad in Azerbaijani flag sash akin to Miss Universe and jeans, asked us if we “had thought about this” and proceeded through the speech (no vows for us) about the holiness of marriage and procreation in Azerbaijani. After signing and ring exchange, we left the marriage office with Tor and Kathy throwing rice. Consequently, the other bride’s mother saw the rice beforehand and requested that her daughter get some rice-love sent her way as well. Not understanding this American tradition, the bride stood there while Kathy and Tor awkwardly threw a few grains her way before she proceeded into the wedding hall, looking forward to the more familiar and less crazy practices.

A slightly more traditional Azeri bride...ready, set, RICE!

Official wedding space. Please note the flowers that have probably been there since President Aliyev (the first)

After the ceremony, we spent some time with Hande and Kathy running around the Inner City and central Baku taking photographs. In addition to being a kindred spirit and wildly successful professional woman, Hande is also a fantastic photographer in her spare time. It was a fun experience, sitting on the grass (something of a cultural no-no here) and being documented doing it!

Hande taking our pictures!

Inner City

Seaside

Inner City

The party began later that day amidst good friends, kimchi (spicy cabbage), jap chae (noodles with vegetables and meat), mandu guk (dumpling soup), kim bhap (seaweed rolls stuffed with rice and vegetables), plov (Azerbaijani rice pilaf), stalitchni salad (a traditional Russian salad with mayo and chopped vegetables), and pies. There was music and good cheer all around—it was as if we had created one of those rare spaces of safe happiness that remain untouched in memory, sustaining us as we move forward.

For our part, it was amazing to think that Oruj and I had come so far from talking about adoption and laughing about the coincidence of our shared birthday dates to today. An important realization to note here is that, as Oruj says, “there is no one way.” There are infinite possibilities and paths through which we grow, love, and progress. None are categorically “right” or “wrong”-- only different. One of the interesting characteristics about the Peace Corps experience with regard to relationships is that a lot happens in a short space of time—there is little time or logistical space for hiding those slightly embarrassing and uncomfortable aspects of ourselves for long. Awkward sounding on the phone? Too bad—this is often your only form of communication for months at a time. Don’t feel comfortable with your significant other knowing conditions sometimes force you to take showers with a garden hose propped up inside the outhouse? Tough luck—they might even have to hold the hose up from the other side of the door because you are “vertically challenged.” No gas for two days? Electric heater skillets for two, please! And then there are the more serious challenges: the fact that your significant other must, on occasion, defend the status of your nationality for twenty minutes while grocery shopping or fend off venders interested in buying what they assume to be your “wares” (aka luggage) at the bus station. Then of course, there was last Easter when, in Azerbaijan’s one Catholic Church, the Bishop felt the need to give a homily stating the imperative of us (99.9% ex-pats, the .1% being Oruj) demonstrating to locals “that there are more benefits of being Christian than being able to drink wine and eat pork.” As I said, awkward situations. Still for me, the fact that I met someone with whom I can experience love, humor, and joy despite such uncomfortable situations is a true gift for which I will always be thankful. Of course there will be like challenges in the future but it seems to me that if your significant other has it in himself to debate the differences between guinea pigs and mice to the Azerbaijani Georgia border patrol officers to the end of maintaining the family, you have found a keeper. I am not sure what my statement will be at our wedding(s) in the United States (one Muslim, one Catholic), but I am sure that it will go something like that.

In any case, thanks to all who have emailed and texted their good wishes. It means more than you know. Now on to the next…paperwork on both sides, work, and GRE attempt #2 in nine days!